Felt like I had dodged a bullet, and then BOOM! It hit me.

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I didn’t get a call to work yesterday morning which turned out to be a real blessing.  I was able to use yesterday constructively to prepare myself.  I bought a new lunch box and lunchy things to put in there.  I bought a new cooler bag for my breast pump and milk.  I prepared a ‘Theo Book’ for my mother-in-law, complete with T’s routine and all the important things she needs to know, and a daily log for her to fill out so I KNOW everything that happens while I’m away.  Remember, I need to KNOW.  I was still extremely anxious but was beginning to feel like I could handle it.

 

Last night, when I went to bed I noticed that my right boob was hard and lumpy.  Now ordinarily, I would try to ease blocked milk ducts by various means, but last night was different.  And this my friends, is where things get a little crazy.  As soon as I felt those booby bumps, I got a little excited.  Yes, I was GLAD to have a sore lumpy gazoonga!  You see, I was hoping that those blocked ducts would turn into mastitis by the morning.  That would be a good enough excuse to not be able to work wouldn’t it?  Surely, I couldn’t be expected to go to work with a FREAKING BREAST INFECTION!!!!!

I’m nuts, I am seriously nuts.  I was willing a bout of mastitis to infect my ample bosom to get out of going to work.  I was bitterly disappointed when I woke feeling perfectly fine and unfortunately, T sucked that booby dry and the lumps went away.  Goddammit.  Now what?  K is healthy, I am healthy, T is healthy.  Are you sure no-one is coming down with a mystery illness?  Goddammit.  I resigned myself to being available for a days teaching.

 

And then nothing.  7:00 – nothing.  7:30 – nothing.  7:45 – nothing.  7:55 – nothing.

 

With every minute that passed I started to relax, honestly I felt like I had dodged a bullet.  One more day at home.  Yes!  D is ready to leave and says goodbye.  He goes out to wait in the car for K to finish brushing his teeth.  Sweet relief.

 

7:56 – ring ring.  SHIT

BOOM!

 

D was in the car, I won’t lie, the thought crossed my mind to not answer the phone.  But I did, and yep – it was work.  Goddammit.  As soon as the man on the other end said who he was my stomach went up into my throat and I wanted to be sick.  I felt physically ill.  I found D in his car in the garage and sobbed through the window.  I had to pull it together when K came out because he is so astute he’d pick up on my upset and worry about me all day.  Even so, as soon as he saw me he knew something was up and I had to reassure him that it was just my crazy hormones making me all emotional.

Mother-in-law came and I was barely able to keep it together long enough to tell her where everything is and last minute instructions.  T started crying.  I started crying, all the while trying to be upbeat for T’s sake.  I had to give him cuddles and kisses and then hand him over to someone who is NOT ME and walk out.

It was horrible.  My heart was pounding in my chest, I thought I might hyperventilate.  It took me forever to even back the car out of the garage.  I turned on the high beams – shit.  Then the indicators – oops.  Flicked them off.  Air con on.  Air con off.  Is the engine started?  Yes.  Ok, guess I better go then.  Reverse down the driveway.  Stop.  Apply lipstick.  Check phone.  Procrastinate some more.  Slowly drive away.  I pretty much cried the whole way to the school.

I made it there and went to sign in.  Introduced myself to the ladies in the office and had a chat.  I guess I looked like I was on the verge of a melt down because the receptionist asked me the question of doom.

 

‘Are you alright?’

 

Fuck me.  Did she have to?  I was alright until she said that!  Of course it all came falling out of my mouth – It’s my first day away from my baby, he’s so cute, I miss him so much, his head is going to explode as are my boobs…

‘Really? You said what? You’re an idiot.’
Even Ernie knows I’m pathetic.

 

What a way to make a first impression (palm smacks face).  Thankfully my dribble was met with a sympathetic ‘been there, done that’ smile.  After that, we were buddies and she even showed me where I could pump in private.  I love her.

The class were harmless enough.  Just a bunch of excitable 7 year olds.  They thought I was da bomb of course, I mean, who wouldn’t?  I’m awesome.  Best part was the chocolate log (not poo) cake that one of the boys bought in for his birthday.  Delish.  Please Sir, may I have some more?

I rang home in my break to check that all was well, and it was.  Apparently, T went down for his morning nap without too many tears, wasn’t interested in his bottle (as predicted) but was eating his lunch like a champ.  I sort of expected to hear him crying for me, but he was happy.  Now the last thing in the world I want is for T to be sad but I have to say it – I was just a little put out that he wasn’t pining for me as much as I was for him.

 

The greatest part of the day goes without saying – coming home to my little Snicky Pants.  His face lit up and he even let me give him a mouthful of kisses.  That is where I kiss him a million times and he opens his mouth and sucks on my nose.  He didn’t cry and didn’t seem to be traumatised by the experience.  I’ll have some spare change in my pocket come pay day, so all in all I’d have to say that they day was somewhat of a success.  We both survived.  Not in any hurry to repeat it tomorrow though, I be happy to just take another day next week and ease on into it real slow.

I was all wrapped up in baby/Mummy love when we finally were able to settle in for a long breastfeeding session on the couch.  He sucked those puppies dry as a bone.  So much so, that when I sat him up the overflow just came back out.  Didn’t matter though – he was smiling and so was I.

And I love you too Muffin Man.

5 responses »

  1. How did pumping at work go hon? Way to brave your way though it. I cried quite a bit my first day back to work as well. I love the open mouth kisses! They are so silly. I hope it gets easier from here on out hon xo

    • It was OK. I only had 10 minutes and it took forever for my milk to let down. It was pretty rushed and I didn’t get all the milk, I had to cut the session short and get back to class. 100mL is better than nothing though 🙂

  2. Pingback: Guest post by Sergeant Starfruit (aka K). « Four Doodles and a Taco

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