OK, it’s that time again folks. It’s time for Sergeant Starfruit’s Monthly Message!
Remember, Sergeant Startfruit is not me. Sergeant Starfruit is my weirdly brilliant, eccentric, genius boy. The following ramblings come from the mind of my 11 year old son, K. I hope your brain survives. I accept no liability. You read at your own risk.
At long last you finally receive your cookie. You’ve worked hard for this: you sold your home, your car, quit your job, left your family, and traveled across the world to find the perfect cookie. The one cookie that would not harm anyone.
Finally, you arrive at Sesame Street, where a blue monster bows and hands you the cookie. You put it in a bag and try to travel back to where you lived and resume life, but airport security won’t allow you, due to them thinking that your cookie is an explosive.
You are forced to rent a boat and row back to your home. Half way back, a 2-person floatable aircraft lands in the ocean. The pilot says that he heard about your destiny and your journey. He flies you to the spaceport where you sneak the cookie on board a spacecraft.
Half way back to the Milky Way, a space pilot dies suddenly due to choking on boneless Buffalo wings. Everyone on board panics and the spacecraft starts veering towards a near-by star. You bring out your cookie, which has a calming and soothing effect on the passengers, and you take the controls. Due to your mastering in spaceflight in college, you easily arrive back on Earth and are known to the people as a intergalactic hero. You get a Nobel Peace Prize.
You sit down on the streets of New York, far from home, and finally eat your cookie. Nothing happens. You are full. Then suddenly, someone runs out of a shop near you and you also start running. You feel the urge to trip them, and you do. It turns out that it was the president of the Soggy Cloth Galaxy who was arguing with the president of the Milky Way Galaxy. He was angry at the fact that the UG (united galaxies) will not officially change the name of his galaxy, that he launches a quantum war.
The public is so angry with you for suddenly bring this holocaust upon them that you are chased for days. Finally, you seek refuge in a dumpster only to hear the sounds of a quantum bomb going off on the other side of earth.
If you never ate that cookie, you would have never tripped such an important man in history. You somehow survive, (maybe due to the effects of the cookie) and manage not to have any serious injuries or radioactive or atom charging burns. You find a partially working spacecraft and go, homeless, wondering around the devastated universe, wondering why you wished to seek such a cookie. You fly yourself into a black hole, never to be seen again.