Really hoped I didn’t have to write this post. All things are not roses.

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7 weeks ago I had an ultrasound.  I told you about it.  I said that the gender was confirmed as a girl and everything was roses.

For the most part, that was true.  LSP is a girl, and all of her major parts are perfect and in working order.  Technician couldn’t find any soft markers for any of the big issue problems that they look for, which I know is the best news ever and for that I am truly grateful.  My baby girl is, as far as we can tell, perfectly healthy.

 

Let me take you on a journey back to that day…

 

The ultrasound technician took forever and a day looking at the palate and didn’t say a lot about it.  When I asked her, she just said, after a pause, it was ‘fine’, whereas everything else was ‘great’ or ‘perfect’.  She kept on going back again and again to look in that area, and this is when I began to feel a little nervous.  She wasn’t saying much.

She then spent ages getting 3D images of her face.  I was in awe at her beauty and thought the pictures were amazing.  After that she let me go and empty my bladder (before I exploded wee all over the place), and when I returned I found that she had called in a colleague to have a look at the pictures of her face.  It was then she told me she was concerned about her left eye (couldn’t see the right eye at this point) as it looked as if the eyeball was sitting out from the face rather than more in the socket.  I listened to the 2 of them talking and I heard her mention Graves Disease, but then they went to check the thyroid which was fine, so discounted that theory.  The second lady didn’t seem too concerned but also didn’t say too much.

She was able to get some more face pictures later from the other side and that eye looked normal in the socket, but then we looked again at the first side, and at first it seemed not so puffy, but it was sticking out more than the other side.
I tried to get as much info as I could out of her and she was nice about it, but I don’t think she was as forthcoming as she could have been.  Basically she said that it is more than likely absolutely nothing, she didn’t find any other markers for any thing else so it was unlikely to be a problem.  She also said that she would have the head radiographer who specialises in babies to look at the scan and make his recommendation, but it looked like I would have another scan in about 6-8 weeks time when LSP had more fat on her face.

I left feeling thrilled to be having a healthy sparkle princess but so distraught at the possibility of there being something wrong.  I just kept on thinking of children with disabilities and their distinctive shaped eyes.  Although, logic told me that if there was a major problem she would have found other markers.  I didn’t know what to feel except thankful that I have a beautiful little girl, but I was scared and nervous also.

 

I was able to make an appointment to see my doctor first thing in the morning to see the ultrasound report once it had been emailed to him.

The report was shit really.  Everything was normal except she had written that the face, eyes, palate, profile, nose and lips were not examined when they clearly were.  So I really had no idea what is going on.  She also wrote that she wanted a review at 26 – 28 weeks and spoke about possible proptosis of the left eye.  I love my Dr, he was really reassuring and asked me if I wanted to have the scan repeated elsewhere.  I asked him what he thought I should do and he told me to relax, chill out and have a lovely Christmas.  He said that all scans are is soundwaves and shadows, and sometimes scan places like to get as much money out of you as they can and make a mountain out of a molehill.  He told me to take the report with me to my next hospital appointment, because the hospital with more than likely want to follow up on it with their own experts which would be more reliable anyway.  So that is what I have been trying to do – chill.

 

I was doing so well until the night before my hospital appointment a few weeks ago when I made the horrible mistake to visit Dr. Google.  I searched for eye protrusion in babies.  I should never have done that.  The first think I clicked on was a YouTube video.  I thought it was going to be a medical-type-informative video.  Fuck.  Me.  I was so wrong.  No, I will NOT show you the video.  Firstly, because that would mean I would have to see it again, and secondly if you saw it you would die a little in your heart and see that poor baby every time you closed your eyes for a week solid.  I still cry when I think about it.  I was traumatised.  I realise that the baby I saw obviously had a multitude of problems but it was horrifying to see a newborn baby crying it’s lungs out with its eyes bulging.  Please, please do not search for it, I beg you.

 

The doctor at the hospital was lovely, but she wanted a follow-up scan scheduled before my next appointment.  That scan was today.

 

It was ok, just OK.  Still not really sure on everything though.  I am now waiting again to see the hospital doctor next week.  I wasn’t really able to see the screen today (The scan was at hospital today rather than at the fancy-pants ultrasound place where you get champagne and canapés on arrival and get to view your scan on a massive wall mounted TV) but Dave could, and he said she looked alright (his professional opinion).  The scanner guy said everything was looking OK as far as he could tell but couldn’t really be sure.  She was in an awkward position with her head rammed up under my right rib, so now I am just waiting to see the report when I see the Dr next week.

I had a big cry when we left.  I really was hoping for a more positive result, like they were going to tell me everything was perfect and not to worry, but all I got was an ‘all looks ok, I guess, but it is hard to tell’ result and I feel a bit let down.  Dave is feeling reassured though so I am trying to go with his gut feeling.  I know deep down that everything is fine and she is going to be the most perfect beautiful baby and we will look back and laugh about how worried we were, but I just wanted someone else to tell me that.

At least I now know why I have to go to the toilet every half hour for a trickle.  Breech baby dancing on my bladder.  Typical girl!  My mother said I did the same.

 

I had previously posted a picture of her sweet little face, but I showed you one of her ‘good side’.  Here is a picture of her eye in question from the 20 weeks scan, 7 weeks ago.  I didn’t get any pictures today.

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Looks fine to me, but I don’t really know what I am looking at, except beauty.

I did get to see something amazing today though.  I saw her little tongue moving as she was having a nice drink of amniotic fluid.  Yes, she was drinking some of her own wee 🙂

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Now, on a happier note – a reminder about my Give-Away!  Get your entries in for your chance to win an awesome planner from Personal Planners.

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Just make your merry little way along to THIS POST for all the details and how to enter.  You’ll be glad you did! (especially if you win)  Get on it!

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Peace out.

13 responses »

  1. Oh Sophia.. I’ve got all my bits crossed that whatever it is resolves on its own or was just 3D light trickery.. I’d like to enter your comp.. I have newborn baby sleep deprivation though….

  2. Good morning from the other side of the planet lovely Sophia. I’m awfully sorry you didn’t get loads of reassurance today. But I am glad the scan person told you everything looked ok. I can’t believe you have to wait another week to talk with the doctor about the scans! You’ve been doing so incredibly well with all of this – you truly have. I hope this week passes quickly and that the doc is able to reassure you next week. I’ll be thinking of you constantly and sending you hugs.

    • Jaimie, I am doing so much better today and knowing that I have so much support and love from my friends far and wide means the world to me. LSP has lots of friends and family pulling for her. We are both lucky girls xxx

  3. Stay away from google lol! So far in my son’s young two and a half years I have been told (in utero during the test for disorders) that he could have something I can’t even remember the name of anymore but was fatal. Retest. No disease. His lungs probably weren’t developed at birth (preemie). They were and he was only on CPAP for 48 hours as a precaution. He had a heart murmur at birth. No sign of it now. His speech patterns may mean he was autistic. He is being evaluated tomorrow to complete speech with none of the issues she started off being concerned about.

    I have had more scares with my sweet boy than I can type in the time before he wakes up from a nap. Every time someone told me like it was end of the world but it never was. I can bet that if the doctors aren’t bracing you and preparing you then they really don’t see anything yet. Trust me, I wish mine had never told me any of it because I sat up all night googling all of the information, imagining the worst and all was in vain. 🙂

    All my prayers to you and your family!!!

    • Thank you so much for your story. Yours is one of many I have heard from friends, family and internet strangers since sharing my experience adn the overwhelming message I am hearing is that google is evil LOL and that scan are so often wrong. I am feeling so much more reassured today than I was yesterday and I am now one day closer to my Dr appointment and hopefully I can put this whole mess behind me. Bottom line is this – none of it matters anyway, because she is my daughter and I love her. Thank you x

  4. Pingback: Hazel’s Birth Story. A perfect, planned caesarean. It matters not which hole your baby comes out of. | Four Doodles and a Taco

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