Why leaving the house can be like a marathon event – long and arduous, with seemingly no end in sight.

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I have a feeling my last post might have left you thinking that I have really got my shit together and am juggling these 2 babies with the skill of a circus clown.  Well, I am attempting to juggle, but doing so like a clown in training, who is constantly dropping his balls.

Sometimes, leaving the house in the morning runs smoothly.  Sometimes, like this morning, it goes like this:

 

T wakes up at 6.  This is fine, it is my preferred baby wake up time.  If he wakes at 6 he is nice and tired by 11, then he has a nap and is awake by 1 at the latest, which gives him enough time to play and get tired for bed time at 6:30.  He seems happy enough.  I change his nappy, have some cuddle time and a chat, make a coffee and give him the box of Nutrigrain to help himself to.  What?  Not acceptable parenting?  Either he eats them out of the box and then has a cup of milk or I make him a bowl.  No diff.  And besides, eating from the box is FUN!

K wakes up and says hello to T.  T decides he wants to play in the big boy room but J is still sleeping so K shuts the door.  Cue T’s first tantrum of the day.  T plants his butt on the floor in the hallway and screams.  H wakes up.  K says that T hates him.

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Excited mummy voice, ‘T, can you hear that?  It’s H.  H is awake!  Shall we go and say hello?  Come on, let’s go and get H up!’

H is just wriggling around in her cot with the hiccups.  T runs in and sticks his arm in the cot to give her a good morning smack on the head and poke in the eye.  I get Princess H out of bed and give her a kiss.  T tells me he wants to give her a kiss too.  I bend down so he can rub his head on her head (that’s what he does when we say ‘give H a kiss’ – it’s very cute), I say ‘awww’ and T looks proud of himself.

Time to change H’s nappy.  I rub her belly 100 times, then I pump her legs up and down.  This is the morning routine guaranteed to make her fart and poo.  I find if I only rub her belly 50 times she only gets half of it out and then fills up her new nappy within minutes of changing it.  100 is the right amount of belly rubs it seems.  She can fart like a trooper.  She can give D and K a run for their money in the fart department.  When K was a baby, I didn’t wake up and listen to hear him breathing to see if he was alive, I just listened to hear him toot toot.

This is my poo face

This is my poo face

Once H has been changed I want to take her and T out to the lounge room so I can nurse H and T can play.  Well, T had other plans this morning.  He wanted breakfast.  I figured since he had already munched on some Nutrigrain it was only fair that he waited until H had her breakfast.  T did not like this.  Tantrum #2.  I just told him calmly that H had to have her milk and I would get his breakfast once she was done.  Then I left him to it on top of the steps while I got comfy on the couch with H and while she was nursing I read T’s favourite book aloud WITHOUT HIM.  T did not want to miss out so he came and joined me.  Mummy Wins.

2 happy babies

2 happy babies after boob and book

 

This is about when I start watching the clock and trying to time things so I can get out the door in a timely fashion.  Everything needs to be planned and often relies on H going down for her first nap (and staying asleep which can be hard with the boys and D all getting ready for school – it can get loud).  H can now last around 1 hour before she gets tired and that usually means that by the time T is eating his breakfast she wants to go to sleep.

I know I have said that I have got the sleep thing sorted, and I do have it pretty good most of the time, but I still need to make sure that H is in a calm and happy place for her to fall asleep in her own.  In the mornings this can be difficult to achieve, so I often bounce her with my foot in the bouncer while T eats breakfast.  This helps her block the chaos that is unfolding around her.  Once she is asleep or sleepy I move her to her room.  While she is napping I run around doing everything else I need to do to get organised for our morning outings – school lunches, get boys out the door, load of washing, pack T’s morning tea, get T dressed, get myself ready etc.

If everything goes to plan, I can sneak H out of bed and into the car to arrive at our destination by 9ish, just in time for her to wake up and want her next feed.  Sometimes, like today, it does not go to plan.

 

Did I mention that when J woke up he announced that he had to be at school early this morning for band practice?  This was immediately before he went and laid on the couch for half and hour…

 

Time to get T’s breakfast organised.  Toast, yogurt, fruit.  No problems, he is eating with gusto.  H is happily getting bounced staring off into ‘I’m getting sleepy land’.  Cue the beginning of ‘everything that can prevent H from sleeping’.  K can’t find this, J needs that, T wants some water, I need to poo.  Every time I need to get up, I stop bouncing H and her eyes ping back to AWAKE.

Finally she is close to sleepy so I chance it and pop her into bed.  I just knew that she wasn’t going to go to sleep by the time I left the room but thought the sleep fairies might be on my side and she might just drop off.  And she almost does.

 

So it is time for the boys to leave to get J to school on time for practice.  D is ready.  K is ready.  You guessed it, J is not.  He has not brushed his teeth, nor has he packed his lunch.  We rush him off to do his teeth and D does his lunch.  All this time, I have T ready to do the ‘wave goodbye routine’, where we stand at the garage door and wave the boys off as they reverse out.  If we don’t wave goodbye, T will crack the shits and the day is over before it begins.  Meanwhile, I hear H start to cry a little.

Teeth are brushed, lunch is packed, they are almost out the door.  D says, ‘hang on a minute J, have you printed out your Spanish assignment yet?’  Of course he hasn’t!!!  T is getting impatient, H turns it up a notch.  D prints out The assignment and they are almost out the door again.  J hasn’t packed his books.  FUCK.

 

H is really crying, I can’t wait any more but I can’t leave T up there because he will want to go in the car with them if I am not holding him for ‘wave goodbye routine’ or he will do a Indiana Jones dive under the garage door while it closes and roam free in the neighbourhood or just get run over.  All three situations are unacceptable.  So I take him with me.

‘Come on T, H is awake let’s go and give her a hug!’  As soon as we get to her room she fills her nappy.  Awesome.  ‘Oh T, H has done a poo! Time to change her nappy!’  I just get her pants off and D comes down to say goodbye.  Of course T wants to go with him so I have D shut the bedroom door and close T in with me.  T flings himself against the back of the door.  His world is over.  Daaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaad waaaait fooooooor meeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeee!!!!!!!!! FUCK.

 

Mumma Bear does a song and a dance and something stupid to make him laugh and calm down.  Now the fun really starts.  Once again in happy mode T sets off on his daily quest to destroy and rearrange everything in his path.

He wants to stand in front of me while I change H and tries to push me out of the way.
He pulls the nappies out of the box under the change table and distributes them over the floor.
He drops the sudocream, baby moisturiser and powder into the cot.
Now he wants to hop in the cot.
Comes and gives H a pat on the head.
Drop sudocream, baby moisturiser and powder on the floor.
Tries to climb out of cot so I lift him out.
Pulls all of H’s dirty clothes out of the hamper one by one and gives them to me like he is helping me with the washing – oh thank you T, you are so helpful!
I pile these clothes up on the end of the change table.
He wants to hop on the nursing chair but can’t get up himself.
He wants Bear.
He wants to hop of the chair.
He hides the sudocream, baby moisturiser and powder in random places so I have to go on a treasure hunt next time I need them.
He wants to say hello to H.
He wants to put things in the nappy bin.  No T, that is DIRTY.
He wants to go back in the cot.
Drops blankies and swaddle from in the cot over the edge.
Get me out of of the cot!
Hands Mum 3856 nappies.  Just trying to help.
Pulls out 506 wipes.
Gives H a kiss.

And we’re done, finally!

 

I give H a quick feed and then she chills on the mat while T and I run around packing bags and brushing teeth.  At last we are ready to go!

Shoes on, strap H into her car capsule and am just about to put her in the car, when you guessed it – poosplosion.  FUCK FUCK FUCK.

‘Hey T!  Guess what? H has done a poo!  Come on, let’s go and change her nappy (and all her clothes)!  Oh what fun!’

 

At last we are ready to go.  Both babies are smiling and we go to hop in the car.  As I am putting H in, Chum-Lee jumps in too.  He just sits there and watches while I strap everyone in.  That is until, I go to grab him and then he duck under the back seat into the boot.  Too far for me to reach under and it’s too deep for me to reach over the seats.  Are you serious?  Could this morning get any more annoying?  I have to open the back of the van and drag the cat out, and I mean drag because he has dug his claws in and isn’t letting go!

 

Cat is out.  Kids are in.  Let’s get the F out of here!

All of this just to get our of the house and let T have a run around in the park.

All of this just to get our of the house and let T have a run around in the park.

2 responses »

  1. I had the best laugh, till you got to the ‘poo explosion’, I almost lost it, AND then the cat jumps in the car, had tears rolling down my face.
    All in a morning,,,,,,,,, I am sure T had a ball running around in the park.
    Clever Mummy Bear. 🙂

  2. Pingback: A Liebster Award, thank you very much. | Four Doodles and a Taco

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