Category Archives: Randoms

I just want to know that I am not alone. Bendy Hair Follicles?

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Fess up.  Who has them?  Who even knows what I’m talking about?

 

Bendy Hair Follicles or BHF as I call them around here.  When your stupid hair grows out one way, and then gets forced into another direction and then it hurts like a mofo.  Yeah, you know what I’m talking about!  Don’t you?

I want to know that BHF is a real thing, and it is not just me.  My husband gives me a look like he thinks I am bat shit crazy whenever I mention it.  But he just doesn’t KNOW.  He has no hair.

I’ll tell you a little secret about hair. Hair is stubborn and hair doesn’t like being told what to do or where to go.

 

These are the people that are likely to be inflicted by this nasty reality:

  1. Curly haired bitches.  I think these girls have it the worst.  Their crap curly hair grows out of their head in all different directions and they generally have very strong evil follicles that resist hairbrushes best efforts to put them back into place.  What happens is this – unless the bitch in question lets her wild tresses go nuts, she has to put it up in some fashion.  There is a 100% chance that whatever hairstyle is chosen, there will be follicles bent the wrong way.  If the poor bitch has kids, especially babies who like to grab hair, wild and woolly hair is just not an option, therefore, she MUST tie it back and subsequently subject herself to the pain of the bendy follicle.
  2. Ballerinas.  These girls wear their hair in buns – right up on top of their heads.  Really tight buns – smothered in hairspray so the hair has no chance of escaping the anti-gravity hold.  This is all well and good while dancing on stage.  The girl looks as cute as a button, but she has no idea what is about to happen.  After her performance and the audience has all gone home, she has to take her hair out.  There is no avoiding it.  Once the 1000 bobby pins come out, her follicles are going to scream as they are allowed to fall back to their natural position.  Agony.
  3. Hippies.  Sometimes, you can get BHF is other places too.  Like your legs if your all hippie like or just don’t shave much.  This usually happens when you wear leggings or stockings.  Pregnant women wear leggings a lot and they also don’t get to shave much because they just can’t.  When you pull your leggings on, your spindly leg hairs are pulled upwards and trapped there.  That is of course until you take your leggings off later.  And then BAM – Bendy Leg Hair Follicles.
  4. Ferals.  Bendy Hair Follicles get worse as your hair gets dirtier.  If for some reason you don’t get to wash your hair very much, like you are homeless or have babies, there is a good chance that your follicles are getting bendier and bendier.  Especially as you keep on pulling your hair back everyday to avoid little hands getting up into your knots and pulling on them.  Also, as your hair gets more gross, you tend to resort to the old bun or shove it under a hat to hide the fact that you haven’t brushed your hair or showered in a month.  Not good options for the BHF sufferer. It’s just a vicious circle.  Sadly, the only way to cure BHF is to wash your hair.  Easier said than done.

 

I am horrified to say that I fall under all of these categories (well, except ballerina.  I haven’t done ballet for a long time, but I REMEMBER!).  And my hair gets curlier and bendier after each baby!  Forgot to mention – going to bed with wet hair is also a big no-no for the person with BHF as your head on a pillow is bound to push your wet follicles into unnatural positions and dry there.  Problem is, I generally shower at night after babies are asleep, but I don’t want to wash my hair then or it would be worse in the morning!  (not to mention that curly haired bitches SHOULD NEVER go to bed with wet hair or they wake with the afro from hell)  Sometimes my head hurts so bad that I pounce on D as soon as he gets out of bed in the morning and beg him to take the babies so I can wash my goddammotherfuckingbendyhairfollicles before I chop my head off, stomp on it and throw it in a fire.

I looked and looked for a curly haired bitch photo of myself but there just aren't any because I ALAWYS pull it back - thus making my BHF worse!

I looked and looked for a curly haired bitch photo of myself but there just aren’t any because I ALWAYS pull it back – thus making my BHF worse!

Is this normal?

Do YOU have BHF?

A Liebster Award, thank you very much.

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It is always lovely to be nominated for a blog award.  Everyone loves a little recognition that what they are doing is appreciated, and I am no different.  I feel good when people say they enjoy reading my little blog, so thank you very much Tarah from Starting over as Ms, your nomination is accepted most graciously.

I remember learning German in high school, and I also remember dating a German clown (yes, I really dated a clown from a circus), so I know that ich liebe dich translates to I love you.  Similarly, liebster means beloved or dearest and I am going to take that meaning and run with it.  My blog is the dearest.  Thank you.

 

The rules for a Liebster award are simple.  You give a link back to the person who nominated you, then answer the questions that they have left for you, you write 11 random facts about yourself and then nominate up to 11 worthy bloggers to receive the award and ask them 11 questions, and then contact them to tell them the good news.  Simples. (compare the meercats)

liebster-blogger-award

 

Here are my questions left from Tarah:

  1. What was your favourite place to go to when you were a child?
    Probably the beach.  And my Nana’s house, we didn’t get to go all that often but I remember her place was a treasure trove to explore.  In adulthood, I realise that Nana was a hoarder, but that is beside the point.
  2. Favourite ice cream?
    Too many to choose from but if I had to pick one, it would be chocolate and peanut butter. Nom nom nom…
  3. Why did you start blogging?
    Easy – to become famous.
  4. Who inspires you most?
    My husband and children.
  5. What is your favourite blog post you have ever written?
    Again, hard to choose as they are ALL UNICORN AWESOME, but if I had to choose my favourites they would be Boobs are Magical, Why leaving the house can be like a marathon event and Mother’s Milk 
  6. If you can be a super hero, which one would you be?
    I am already a super hero, I am a mum.
  7. Book or Kindle?
    Book.
  8. Jeans or Yoga pants when you are home?
    Well, I am not really cool enough to have actually yoga pants, I just have target leggings and ahh bras.
  9. Your dream vacation?
    NYC.  I think I could spend a whole week exploring Central Park.
  10. Pinterest or Facebook?
    Facebook
  11. If you had to have one ringtone for the rest of your life, what song would you choose?
    Time After Time by Chet Baker – my wedding song.

 

11 Random Facts About Yours Truly

  1. I don’t shave.  I wax, and I probably let myself get a little too Amazon lady hairy between waxes.
  2. My computer desk/work station is a huge mess at almost all times.
  3. I like cake.
  4. My family is my universe.
  5. I am very particular about how I like to hang the washing.  I don’t match pegs or anything crack pot crazy like that (anymore) but it has to be done a certain way.  Sometimes D helps hang the washing and I just about kills me to see the way he hangs some things but I have learned to appreciate his help and walk away.  Until he is not looking, then I duck back outside and rehang them.
  6. I hate having my photo taken from my right.  I have a good side and a bad side and will avoid pictures taken of ‘the ugly side’ at all costs.
  7. I am a coffee snob.  This comes from years of making coffee for a living.  If I don’t know for a 100000% that it will be made to perfection, I’ll opt for water, or instant.  I would prefer instant to a bad cappuccino any day.
  8. Walking and swimming help me stay sane.
  9. I get pretty agitated when it is super hot or I am hungry.  Watch out if I’m hungry AND hot!
  10. I really don’t like The Offspring.  The band, not the show.  I LOVE the show, but hate the band.
  11. I kill plants.  But I am trying really really really hard to keep our passionfruit vine alive.

 

Here are my lovely very deserving Liebster Award nominees:

  1. The Witching Hour and Full Moon Crazies
  2. Natural Parenting
  3. The Natural Momma in Me
  4. Baby and Me – Ready To Mum
  5. Biscuits n’ Crazy
  6. Mama Gets Real
  7. I Raise My Kids
  8. Mom in the Muddle
  9. Josie, Mom and Dad plus Triplets Make 6!
  10. Two Punks, a Princess and Me
  11. Housewife Hacked

 

Now for 11 awesome questions for my nominees:

  1. Tea or coffee?
  2. Cats or dogs?
  3. Do you have any weird idiosyncrasies?
  4. What is your favourite quote?
  5. Who has been a great influence on your life?
  6. Why did you start your blog?
  7. What is your favourite post?
  8. What is your ideal way to spend a lazy Sunday?
  9. Where do you see yourself in 10 years?
  10. Your life is going to become a script for a movie. Who would you want to play you?
  11. Confess something juicy.

Clickety-click. Make me a Top Mummy.

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You might have noticed the Top Mummy (Mommy) Blogs banner in my side bar.  You know, the picture of the sparkly mum, juggling all manner of mummy tasks effortlessly.  I just bet she is wearing slutty undies under that spotless apron and is a little hornbag in the bedroom too.  Just add that to her seemingly endless list of domestic goddess skills.

Just like me.  In an alternate universe… (except the bedroom part – I’m like a tiger.  Raa)

You can help me become a little bit more famous, and a tiny bit closer to world domination by clicking on that banner. Perfect Mum over there >>>> keeps track of all the votes I get and each one means my little blog moves up another rung on the mummy blog ladder.  Every click means a vote for my dumb blog.  You don’t have to register or do anything annoying like that.  Just click and you have voted.

Let’s cut to the chase.  I’m nowhere near as famous as I want to be.  No-one recognises me when I walk down the street and I haven’t had to give out my autograph since my last credit card application.  My biggest fans tell me they love me with slobber, spaghetti stains on my best Kmart top, gummy smiles and giggles, but I want more goddammit!

Just click on that banner every time you visit my blog and cast me a vote.  EVERY TIME.  I will repay you with my witty repartee and a Pina Colada.

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Much obliged my friends.  Much obliged.

What animal is H?

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I am the Mumma Bear.  T is Theo Bear.  K is a squirrel.  J is a sloth.  D is an Italian Stallion (wink wink).  What animal is H?

I posed this question to H while I was bathing her.  I asked her what animal she would like to be.  She said, ‘ggggaaaaaa’.

Did she mean a goat?  A gorilla?  I can’t think of any other animals that start with G.  K thinks she is a gummy bear.

When H is tired she nuzzles her face into my shoulder.  I call her my little burrowing cockroach.  People look at me funny when they overhear me call my baby a cockroach, but I promise that is a term of endearment and sounds sweet when you say it in a high pitch cutesy voice.

Some inspiration for you:

hazel what animal

Help me decide.

While looking for a picture of a gummy bear I found this - gummy bear leggings.  I think I just found my next date night outfit.

While looking for a picture of a gummy bear I found this – gummy bear leggings. I think I just found my next date night outfit.

My very bestest of the best and most ridiculous and down right absurd search terms.

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I quite often get a chuckle out of the search engine terms from my blog stats.  I sometimes post the exceptionally funny ones on my Facebook page but today I thought I would compile all of the best ones in one place for you to chuckle over.  I think seriously, someone typed THAT into their search engine and got my blog?  WTF?  These are 100% real and simply cut and pasted with no editing at all.

 

sexy toe
a boy touching girls boobs pictures
sexy lesbians sucking red toes porn
pinterest milky tits
images of very so cute and funny images of babies trying very hard to push out there poo poo
university lecture theatre sex
silver bullet(frozen turd)
vagina de pornstar
harry potter felt the padding between his legs from his nappy
images of very so cute and funny faces like poo poo faces of babies
girl breastfeeding cat
cat breastfeeding girls
chicken plug poo
pinterest and foot fetish
mother in law makes me wear her clothes
sexy nude aunty with penis in pussy
women sexy feet finger soles toes death
damage controlman controlman meme
prepubescent boys feeling each other
how can i tell if i have maggots in me
tasting my dads doodle love it
went to work with a vibrator in me
how to make my breast a treat for a birthday surprise
bitches be like i want my long hair back
wife made me wear a nappy
recliners that don’t look like recliners

 

There were more.  Sooooo many more.  Very very disturbing.  Is my blog bordering on pornographic?

Right fess up peeps.  If YOU were responsible for finding me via any of those search terms comment below so we can all laugh and mock you!  I really don’t care how perverted/weird/crazy you are, stay and party Taco style xxx

cray cray

Time for crisis talks people. What happens with the name of my blog?

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Dudes, we have a problem.

My blog is called Four Doodles and a Taco, named so when there was not going to be any further additions to my family.

What do I do with the blog now?  Do I go through all the BS associated with changing the name and risk losing the few people who read it, or do I keep the name the same and adapt the subheading?  I done the reading on what you have to do to change the blog name and domain and while I ‘think’ it can be done I am pretty scared that I will F it up and have to start from scratch all over again.

I need your help peeps.  Help me decide what to do.  I will present you with my options, if you wouldn’t mind casting your vote on what you think I should do I would certainly appreciate it.

Much love and thanks xxx

Just got something to say – 2 DAYS TO GO!!!!!  Completely finished LSP’s room today.  Will photograph it tomorrow and start drafting a post about it, but remember I am not going to reveal until after she is born or you will know her name (it’s on the wall).  Still haven’t packed the bag or installed the seat….

Pre-op appointment at the hospital tomorrow.  Methinks I am going to have a baby, like, really freaking soon!

Best. Maternity Leggings. Ever.

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News so damn good I have to share it with the world.  I have found the best maternity leggings ever.  I only wish I found them sooner, like last pregnancy ago.

This is not a sponsored post, nor am I getting any commissions for telling you this.  I just want you to know!!!!  These leggings have seriously changed my life.  OK, slight exaggeration but that’s how much I love them.

 

Why do I love them?  Let me count the ways.

  1. First and foremost, the most important thing to look for in a maternity legging, or any legging for that matter is these little beauts STAY UP!  Even with your enormous belly full of baby, nothing is moving these pants from where you put them!  I can wear them all day, actually I can wear them for two days straight (yes folks, I shower and change my unmentionables) and they still stay up!  Even with my thunder thighs, all the more thunderous for being pregnant are not enough to make these leggings creep down.  You know how with every other crappy pair of leggings you have ever owned seem to want to find their way to the narrowest part of your leg – your ankle?  These DO NOT!  Completely hitch free. 
  2.  Your knees will not look like the saggy baggy elephant after 5 minutes of wearing them.  I must admit after a full two days wear, the knees do get a teensy loose but no wrinkles kids!  Swear it. 
  3. They have a little cute gathering down at the ankles just as a little feature.  This either works to hide or accentuate your pregnancy cankles.  I am not sure of which yet as my ankles are still behaving themselves.  This is also a good feature for those, like myself that are vertically challenged.  The shorter you are the more ankle gathering you have.  If you are tall, your gathering is stretched out.  Versatility at it’s best.  A legging for all.
  4. You can wear them over the bump.  Pull the fold up bit up and you have some extra support around your roundness.  I must say there is a serious amount of strength in the top of these leggings.  On days when I am feeling extra stretched I can wear them over the bump and I am feeling somewhat more supported.  Also handy should you wear a slightly see through number over your leggings as I was today.  Not a good look to have your stretched out stomach tattoo visible through your top.  Pull up your leggings and voila, no more unsightly warped tattoo!
  5. You can wear them under the bump.  As I mentioned, the belly band part of these pants it super stretchy and ultra supportive.  I honestly feel as if I am wearing a support garment when I put these on.  I realise that I have used the word support a lot but I cannot think of another suitable synonym.  I swear, these leggings will support your girth.  I even think that post caesarean I will be able to wear these as some sort of support (there it is again) against my incision.

 

There you have it.  5 reason why your preggo belly needs these leggings.  Now for the shocking part – where from and how much?

I know you are probably waiting to hear of some exclusive high end maternity boutique with a price you need to take a loan out to afford but you would be wrong my friends.

 

Big W.  Yes, you read that right.  Big W.

These are part of their ‘Nine and Mine’ maternity range and cost me a staggering $12.  As if my 5 reasons above were not enough reasons to get thee to Big W, then how about the price?  Money well spent.

And the proof?  Well the proof is in the horrible selfies I am posting below.  Does anyone know of a way to take decent self photos?  I tried to edit them to look at artsy and shit but I think I failed miserably.  Anywhoo, that is my 34w4d bump right there.  Feeling rather large and stretched and achy in my bum bum.

Over the bump.

Over the bump.

Under the bump.

Under the bump.

Time for some light comedic relief, K and J style.

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Last night I watched my techno children engaging with their techno world.  While both were watching TV, I also had K with his nose in his iPad and J glued to his iPhone.  I should also add that I was playing solitaire on my iPhone too.  I know, boring, but I like it.  I got a high score!

After a while the gentle drone of the background noise of the TV and the pings and tings of the iDevices were penetrated by the onset a giggles coming from K.  Giggles turned to laughs, which became belly laughs, which ultimately resulted in roars of uncontrollable hilarity.  I am talking laughing his balls, doodle, arms, legs and face off all at once.

J and I stared at him, then looked at each other.  J shrugs his shoulders and goes back to whatever he was doing.  Curiosity gets the better of me, and so I ask, ‘Watcha doing?’

Through the tears and wails of laughter he finally replies, ‘I’m looking (hahahaha) at (hehe) owl and cat (LOLOLOL) memes! (Bwahahaha!!!).’

 

OK.

Maybe a dumb question, but…  What’s a meme?

 

Turns out that memes are those pictures of cats or dogs or whatever with funny quotes and nonsense that float around cyberspace and end up on your Facebook wall.  You know, like that grumpy cat that has been circulating for a while now.  Endless source of entertainment.  Obviously my tech savvy children have to educate me on such terms.

So ultimately, K’s browsing the Internet and loosing himself in meme land resulted in him giving himself a full blown asthma attack.  So much so, that I had to pry his iPad out of his hands to get him to calm down while I pumped some ventolin into him.  Even so, long after the iPad had gone to bed, residual ‘after giggles’ remained, like when you remember something funny that happened that day and can’t help but laugh while all the people around you look on like you have lost your marbles.

This morning, J showed me an app he had on his phone where you can create YOUR OWN memes!  Yes, you heard me right, you do not need to have a grumpy cat though, you can use your own non-grumpy cat, or your children, or your good self.  Anything you can take a photo of really, and yes if you have no creativity what-so-ever, you can use the grumpy cat from the Internet too.

J and I set off on a secret mission to sneak up on K and take his photo.  We found him in his favourite spot – curled up on the nursing chair in T’s room, playing with, you guessed it – his iPad.

We made this:

kai meme

 

Gotcha K!

It’s a first here at 4D&T. I have the answer to all your organisational needs! No really, I do! It’s 4D&T Give-Away time!

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Things are moving really fast around here.  Apart from my ever expanding belly and the weeks of pregnancy racing past like an out of control wildfire; the holidays are rapidly disappearing, T is doing all sorts of wild and crazy stuff each and every day and D and I just celebrated our 4th wedding anniversary.  I am more in love with him each and every day.  How did I get so lucky?

Of all the cool things T has been doing, the most noteworthy has to be taking his first steps and learning to walk.  Yep, the kid is off!  He still looks a bit like E.T. but he is picking up speed and confidence.  I don’t want to talk too much about it because I have a Magical Milestone post in the works but am currently doing battle with my video editing software and can’t finish that post until it is complete with video evidence of the amazement.  Stay tuned, it is coming (so is next Christmas, I hear you mumble)…

 

So I have to move on with the blog and continue on my merry little (big bump) way.

 

I know deep in my heart that what I am about to share with you will rock your world and change your lives forever.  A bit melodramatic?  Perhaps, but I can promise you that it is pretty cool.

If any of you are even a little bit like me, you are always trying to gain more control of your life and become more organised.  In fact, each and every year my New Year Resolution reads something like, ‘I will manage my time like a champion and become one of the domestic goddesses that I am secretly jealous of’, and yet, each year I fail miserably at keeping up with my resolution when my washing pile begins to resemble Mt Washmore and my children go un-showered for weeks.  I try and tell them that swimming in the pool is not the same as using soap and shampoo.  When my husband starts wearing his underwear inside-out to get a few more days of use, I admit defeat.  OK, I am exaggerating.  Don’t call the cops.

Every year I go out in January when the sales are on (because I am a tight-arse) a try to buy a diary/organiser.  This presents many problems for me.

  1. I effectively waste a month of diary buying it after the new year has started.
  2. They are all boring and fugly.  I like pretty.  I like individual.
  3. None of the diaries ever truly suit my needs.  They have sections I don’t need and are inevitably missing sections or information I want!

I have found the answer to all my diary problems!

Behold the wonder of Personal Planner!  Drum roll please…

 

Would you like to add some colour to your workday at the same time as making your planner more efficient and that more personal? If so, Personal Planner got a great idea I think you’ll love!

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Their planners provide you with endless design possibilities. You can change colour, text and design on front/back cover as well as inlay. There are also clever boxes for to-do list, gym session, preschool, idea of the week and weather. Friend’s and family member’s birthdays can also be added to the inlay directly from Facebook. They print and deliver the finished product directly to our your doorstep.  Here are a few things that I REALLY like about these planners:

  • Design the front/back cover.  You can make it sleek and classy, use their images or import on of your own.
  • Tons of ways to design the inside to suit your style & needs.  Insert modules to suit your lifestyle.  Whether you are a teacher, gym junkie, busy mum or a raving lunatic there are modules suited to you.
  • Add friends & family members birthdays to the inlay.  No more ‘oops, I forgot your birthday messages’.
  • Choose between 4 different sizes.
  •  Best of all, you pick the start date.  If you are lazy like me and don’t buy your organiser until the new year, you can start it in February or any date you like!  No more wasted pages!
  • And best of all its fun and easy 🙂 AND pretty and individual!

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Now for the super exciting part of this post (as if you haven’t wet your pants with excitement already).  Personal Planners are giving me the opportunity to give away one of their fantastic planners to one of YOU!  They are very generous and are allowing me to give-away a prize of a planner of ANY SIZE with postage paid for to any reader I like internationally!  Very cool.

So I am very pleased to announce the very first ever Four Doodles Give-Away!  D even made me a logo for it:

giveaway logoI am not really down with all ‘ways’ to do a give-away, seeing as this is my first, but I want to give you all many opportunities to win this prize and thus chances to put in multiple entries.  I know there are widgets or apps or something I can use to make this process easier and more steamlined but I am a noob, so we are going to do this the Taco Way.

You may enter as many times as you like.  For one entry you need to do one of the following:

  1. Go to Personal Planners FB Page and like it https://www.facebook.com/PersonalPlannerAU (let me know via a comment on this post)
  2. Share Personal Planners FB Page with your FB buddies (again, let me know via comment here)
  3. Like MY FB Page (shameless self promotion) http://www.facebook.com/FourDoodlesAndATaco
  4. Share MY FB Page with your FB mates and let me know you have

At the end of the give-away period, I will painstakingly collate all the entires via the comments on this post, comments on my FB page and new FB page likes and put them all in a hat to randomly draw the winner.  The more entries you have the better chance you have to win!  Tell your besties about my 4D&T Give-Away and give them a chance to win too 😉

Give-away end date is the 31st January.  Once I draw the winner, Personal Planners will send them a gift card via email.  The gift card allows the winner to choose any planner in any size, and the shipping is already paid for.  remember you don’t have to be in Australia to enter, this is open to anyone!

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I urge you to go to the Personal Planners website and have a look around, I am sure you will like it as much as I do.  I am super-dooper thrilled because they are going to give one to me as well!  Maybe this year I will achieve my goal of being the perfect wife and mother who can feed her family, keep her house clean and even find time to service my husband in the special way.  May I never miss an appointment or forget to pick my kids up again.  Again, I’m exaggerating.  Don’t call the cops.